So I've been thinking a lot about this girl lately. Her name is Arianna. I met her a couple of times when she was just a baby before she got a type of cancer I know little about. She is my cousin Haley's daughter. Up in the picture she's hanging out with her dad, Travis. I really like this picture. She died this past Sunday. I'm going up to the funeral on Saturday.
I grew up with Haley. She taught me a lot about sewing. Just how to crap it together mostly. She married very, very young. We weren't as close after that, mostly because she married at 16 & I think I was 14 then. She grew up fast, I didn't. She has 5 kids including her Ari. She had a baby during Ari's treatment. She wants a lot of kids, even though she almost dies every time she has one. Haley has always been miles ahead of me.
I think that having a small child die (she was 3) must be quite a sacred experience. Only a handful of people really got to know this special girl. I didn't know her. I can't help but be a little jealous, and happy for the people who got to share this special experience. I think of my young kids, age 1 & 4, I know the best parts of them. I can't help but be thankful for the special bond we have.
I have a scewed view on death. My Dad's death was the most sacred experience of my life. I've never felt closer to the Lord. I knew that God called him home, like he was hand picked for a calling on the other side. It still hurts that he's gone. It's been 10 years. My Dad has been gone 10 years. He's missed so much. The only way to really comfort myself on him not knowing my kids is that maybe he's hand delivering them to me. This is a bad time to think of all this. I'm totally sobbing uncontrollably. My dad loved kids. He would have loved being a grandpa. When I held graham close, our special moments when I breastfed him, I felt that my dad knew him. I felt that the love of my father just channeled through him to me every time he looked at me, or melted into my chest. Having my children has been the most healing experience. I can't imagine having having one of them ripped away from me.
I almost forgot. If you want to read Ari's story follow this link.
I miss your dad too. He is definitely in Heaven watching over you and your family. When I think of the possibility of loosing a child I completely break down and go on my knees praying that it never happens. When Carter has surgeries... I always rely on prayer and faith. I will add your cousin to my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOn a different note, you know I live in Vegas now?? We need to get together!!!
<3 You
Ya. We should get together. We were best friends once. I don't have a car mon-wed. Huston has school and we have one car. Any other day is cool. Also I can cut or dye your hair anytime.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean lil, I remember you coming into my room once and saying something to me about your dad and prayer and I knew exactly what you were talking about and thought wow you get it, I get it too but glad you made that unknowing comment, because that me get it even more, so vague, I know but you mad me feel better because I always had him on my mind back then. Im sorry about your family.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. I didn't know your dad and I hope it isn't obnoxious to comment about him, but I have a dad and I know how much I love him, so I can in a small way imagine. But I just wanted to say that when I read your thought of your dad knowing your children and sending them down, my heart swelled and I knew that was true.
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