I had a ton of tiny scraps from making banners from vintage handkerchiefs. I discovered I had enough tiny scraps to make about 20 tiny banners. They turned out really great. Ella loved posing for me. I promised her one for her room.

So I've been thinking a lot about this girl lately. Her name is Arianna. I met her a couple of times when she was just a baby before she got a type of cancer I know little about. She is my cousin Haley's daughter. Up in the picture she's hanging out with her dad, Travis. I really like this picture. She died this past Sunday. I'm going up to the funeral on Saturday.

I grew up with Haley. She taught me a lot about sewing. Just how to crap it together mostly. She married very, very young. We weren't as close after that, mostly because she married at 16 & I think I was 14 then. She grew up fast, I didn't. She has 5 kids including her Ari. She had a baby during Ari's treatment. She wants a lot of kids, even though she almost dies every time she has one. Haley has always been miles ahead of me.

I think that having a small child die (she was 3) must be quite a sacred experience. Only a handful of people really got to know this special girl. I didn't know her. I can't help but be a little jealous, and happy for the people who got to share this special experience. I think of my young kids, age 1 & 4, I know the best parts of them. I can't help but be thankful for the special bond we have.

I have a scewed view on death. My Dad's death was the most sacred experience of my life. I've never felt closer to the Lord. I knew that God called him home, like he was hand picked for a calling on the other side. It still hurts that he's gone. It's been 10 years. My Dad has been gone 10 years. He's missed so much. The only way to really comfort myself on him not knowing my kids is that maybe he's hand delivering them to me. This is a bad time to think of all this. I'm totally sobbing uncontrollably. My dad loved kids. He would have loved being a grandpa. When I held graham close, our special moments when I breastfed him, I felt that my dad knew him. I felt that the love of my father just channeled through him to me every time he looked at me, or melted into my chest. Having my children has been the most healing experience. I can't imagine having having one of them ripped away from me.

I almost forgot. If you want to read Ari's story follow this link.

I don't believe in original. I'm really unsure if anyone cares I'm awesome.

I've been really nervous about blogging again. Last year I had a baby, but that's not the reason I haven't been back. I did a custom order for someone on etsy. I copied a dress. I did an amazing job. I shared the finished product with flickr. All of the sudden everyone cared about the copied dress. It was even on a craft magazine blog. I am very talented. I thought I had finally gotten some deserved recognition for being awesome.

I guess I'm telling you the rest for myself. This is my place to post my things and the things I care about, and it was taken over by anonymous assholes. Apparently the folks over at Daydream nation didn't like that their idea was copied. Up there is the picture I posted theirs on the left, mine on the right. I didn't know what daydream nation was. That photo was supplied to me. I posted on this blog stating pretty obviously, "look at this dress I copied." I couldn't stop the hate mail from coming. The guy who designed the dress even posted, under anonymous so I will never really be sure if it was him though I'm pretty sure it was. The whole air mail line was for his father who had passed. Under his comment, and others that were by far the rudest I had been addressed in my whole life, I wrote a short apology. The hate mail kept coming. I erased the post.

I'm not sorry for making the dress. I didn't break the law. "You should be ashamed to call yourself a designer" someone wrote. I was and still am surprised at how hurt I am by the comments of people who live on the other side of the planet and never told me their names. I am not ashamed. I made a dress for someone who couldn't find where the dress was sold. Daydream nation never told me where you could buy the dress so I could pass it on.



I have had success though. My OWN idea. I make vintage handkerchiefs into flag buntings. One that I made will be featured in Bride magazine in March. These have since been copied. It was copied by THeinoriginals ironically. I don't think they copied me, though they could have. I think it was more like a couple of ideas I had that that had already been thought up. I could have sworn I was so damn creative too. I thought of making cone gnomes, and making gift bows out of VHS tape. Both ideas already taken. I don't really believe in original.